Is “Fairness” Holding You Back? My TEDx Talk on Putting Mission Before Fairness

I believe we all hold certain values dear. Fairness, equality, keeping our commitments, community involvement—these often feel like the bedrock of being a good person or a responsible leader. But I've come to ask a hard question: what happens when rigidly adhering to these values, particularly the idea of perfect "fairness," actually hinders the progress we desperately need?

This challenging question is personal for me. It lies at the heart of the message I share, and it begins not in a boardroom, but on a dirt road in North Carolina. I grew up in a modest trailer, and I'll never forget a pivotal moment: my mother’s decision to drive me to enlist in the Navy, even though she desperately needed my help at home.

It wasn't the "fair" choice in the immediate sense; it split our family when we needed support. But my mother had a mission that superseded immediate comfort and conventional fairness: breaking the cycle of poverty that had trapped our family for generations. That single, difficult choice, prioritizing the long-term mission over short-term values (like keeping the family physically together at that moment), changed everything for me.

The Core Argument: Mission Must Guide the Way

This story from my own life illustrates the central thesis I live by: "Hold your values close, but never let them outweigh your mission."

I argue that we too often confuse our values with our mission, leading to a diluted focus and a reluctance to make hard choices. We try to be fair to everyone, say yes to everything, and keep everything balanced. But I've learned that's not leadership. That's comfort, and comfort kills progress.

When "Good Values" Aren't Enough: The Sears & K-Mart Lesson

Think about Sears and K-Mart. These retail giants were institutions, deeply embedded in communities, known for their charitable work and strong values. Yet, they failed. Why? I contend it wasn't because their values were wrong, but because they lost sight of their core mission: selling the right products at the right time and price. They spread themselves too thin, clung to what felt comfortable or "right" based on past successes, ignored strategic imperatives, and ultimately lost focus. Great values, but the wrong focus.

The "Fairness Trap" and the 80/20 Reality

And this isn't just a corporate issue. I see it everywhere. As parents, we struggle to treat our kids perfectly equally when one clearly needs more attention. Schools try to be everything to everyone, and they end up mastering nothing. As leaders, we try to appease every stakeholder and end up serving none of them effectively.

I always come back to the Pareto Principle (the 80/20 rule): roughly 80% of our results come from 20% of our efforts. Yet, we often pour our resources into the less impactful 80% because it feels "fair" or balanced. Mission-focused leaders, however, understand this. They make bold, uneven bets on what truly matters. They double down on the 20% that works and have the courage to cut the rest, not out of ruthlessness, but out of a deep responsibility to the mission.

Moving from Fairness to Mission: A Practical Path

So, if this resonates with you, how can you shift from a potentially stagnant "fairness" model to a dynamic "mission" focus? I offer three clear steps:

1. Define Your Mission: Get crystal clear on your one driving purpose. Not a list of values or dreams, but a single, specific sentence that guides your decisions. (e.g., For a business: "Grow by solving our customer's biggest pain point." For a parent: "Raise resilient kids who can thrive without me.") Write it down. Own it.

2. Audit Your Resources: Honestly examine your calendar and your budget. Do your time and money actually align with your stated mission? Or are they scattered, reacting to noise and demands that feel urgent but aren't truly important? I always say: "If everything matters, nothing does."

3. Reallocate Decisively: Move your best people, your capital, and your energy towards your most strategic priorities—the ones directly serving your mission. This often means saying "no" to good things that aren't the right things, and yes, people might call it unfair.

The Challenge: Aim for Difference, Not Likability

My own journey, shaped by my mother's difficult choice, is a testament to the power of this principle. Had she chosen immediate fairness, my life might have been vastly different. Because she chose the mission, she created the possibility for transformation.

The message I want to leave you with is powerful and, perhaps, a bit uncomfortable. I believe true leadership and meaningful progress often require choosing the critical mission over universal fairness, balance, or comfort. It demands focus, strategic allocation of resources, and the courage to make decisions that might not be popular but are necessary for achieving the ultimate goal.

The challenge I leave you with is this: Don't aim to be liked. Don't aim to be balanced. Aim to make a difference. Hold your values close, but never, ever let them outweigh your mission.

About TEDX

TEDx is a grassroots initiative, created in the spirit of TED’s overall mission: "Ideas Worth Spreading." It brings the TED experience to local communities around the globe. The "x" in TEDx signifies that these are independently organized events. While TED provides general guidance and licenses, individual communities, organizations, universities, or even libraries take the lead in curating speakers, managing logistics, and hosting the event specific to their locale.

These events aim to spark deep discussion, connection, and inspiration at a community level. They feature a diverse range of live speakers – often local voices including innovators, artists, scientists, and community leaders – sharing their unique ideas and experiences in the signature short, powerful talk format popularized by TED. Many TEDx events also include screenings of existing TED Talk videos to complement the live presentations.

Ultimately, TEDx empowers local organizers to discover and share "ideas worth spreading" from within their own communities. While each event reflects its unique local context and flavor, they all contribute to the larger TED ecosystem, making insightful talks on a vast array of topics accessible globally through the recorded talks shared online. They serve as powerful platforms for local innovation and thought leadership, fostering learning and conversation worldwide.

Visit the TEDX website.